The Old Me. January 2013

This is the old me.  This was me, before I began training on Jan 2, 2013.

I was a physical disaster.  I wore a 38-40 inch waist, which spoke nothing of the far larger belly I carried above my waistline.  I couldn’t perform most crossfit type exercises, it was physically impossible.  In fact, to my embarrassment, I had to hold my breath to bend over far enough to tie my shoes, it was a strain getting around my belly.  My blood pressure had risen to the point of needing medication. At one point, the stress had deteriorated my health to the point where I was losing blood via my GI tract, had ulcers, and stress tension causing pinched nerves making me think I had had a stroke when part of my face went numb!  I was working myself to death, and bandaging it with cocktails.

The mental and emotional effect was far worse……. I KNEW I was unattractive. I was embarrassed to go shirtless at the beach or pool.  I had to creatively wear cloths to hide my gut. I looked OLD. I was aware of my lack of mobility, and that jogging across the parking lot would have me breathing hard.  Women were no longer interested in me, and I had grown quite lonely.  Pouring myself in to my work, I realized I had no life left – no hobbies, no activities, no travel, adventure, all that had been lost years ago.  I had become miserable with myself.

Even when I was “doing better” and able to find my way in to the gym, all the progress I made during the week I would completely and thoroughly undo during the weekend by eating poorly and drinking.  It was like I was in a time warp – two steps forward, three steps back – and losing ground.  Meanwhile I was surrounded by competitors at The Gym, and saw the example they set.  I witnessed the progress, the growth, the trials and tribulations, the discipline, the camaraderie.  I wanted THAT life! I wanted to be a part of that team, that life.  I wanted to experience it, to live it.  I began to say “one of these days I’ll do a show”…. “when I get the office settled down, I’ll do a show”, “when I hire someone to free up the time, I’ll do a show”.  No one believed me, with good reason!  Finally I realized……. I was making excuses, and I was a “someday” guy………  a “wanna be”.

I was on the verge of becoming professionally and mentally burned out, and having an emotional  and / or breakdown.

Frankly speaking,  I had slipped, I had let myself go.   Plain and simple, I was FAT.

 

 

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